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Dan Soviero didn't think he'd live past 18.
He recalls being 16, and he and his father, Tony, were in their driveway.
The two didn't share their feelings in the house, Soviero says, but he felt he needed to tell his dad he was really struggling with depression.
"Dad, I almost took my own life," he said.
Tony - an "old school Italian," Dan says – told his son he was being selfish, put the car in reverse and took him to the community athletic fields.
"It changed my whole life," Dan Soviero says. "That was the first time I did something selflessly, and it really opened up my eyes. You can't think about yourself when you walk out on a field and you're around a bunch of kids, and they just think you're their whole world. I've coached ever since."
Soviero, now 31, realized a calling. He would land onForbes' 30 Under 30 sports listfor foundingSignature Athletics, which re-engineered the lacrosse ball for professional and collegiate competition.
But he learned from his dad something we all can come to realize about sports: It isn't just a goal-oriented experience. It's one that makes us feel good about ourselves.
Signature, Soviero says, now works with more than 1,000 youth sports programs and has zeroed in on fixing a "broken" system.
The goals start with us having better control over our kids' sports environments and their ultimate goals through sports.
Jeff Nelligan,a noted commentator on American parenting, described Soviero as someone who "knows firsthand the character value of sports and is hustling to get a brand new group of kids out on the fields."
"How many kids play college?" says Soviero, a former lacrosse player at St. John's (N.Y.). "You have to be obsessed with a sport to play at the college level. If you're just committed or interested, well, enjoy it. It's way more fun."
He offers ideas for those of us who want to push back against the landscape, which often feels like an avalanche, but also perspective for everyone who is part of it.
"I think every parent does the best they can with what they have," he says. "There's a gaping hole in coaches education, program director education and parent education."
YOUTH SPORTS SURVIVAL GUIDE:Order Coach Steve's new book
Before you dive in, make a point to educate yourself, and maybe just play a while
Soviero says parents are the "Trojan horse" of their kids' sports journey. As a mom or dad, have you taken the time to think about what your child wants out of it?
If you haven't, check outMary Carillo's short documentary on sports in Norway, which NBC produced during the Olympics.
Norway is consistently among thegold medal leaders by country, and its athletic pedigree is fundamentally built on a single premise: Sports is supposed to be fun from the time our careers start and throughout our childhood.
The country even hasa National Bill of Rights for young athletes.
"It's not important to win the gold medal when you are 10 or 12 or 14 years," Inge Andersen, a former head of Norway's Olympic Committee, who was one of its authors, told Carillo. "What's important is that the kids are getting a good life. You have to treat them in a human, holistic way."
"There must be countries that'd say, 'Come on, what is your real secret?'" Carillo asked him. "It can't be friendship. It can't be fun. That doesn't make sense."
"The model and the philosophy is so simple that they don't believe us," Andersen replied.
It's a model similar to the Signature system Soviero and his associates are still developing and implementing at a national level.
"The vision is simple: serve every kid in the community, not just the elite few," he says, pointing to a programl he has launched in greater Charlotte, North Carolina, with plans to expand regionally. "That's a deliberate departure from the model most programs follow, which is to chase travel revenue and leave rec players behind.
"The first step in our youth sports journey can be giving our kids an experience and figuring out what they ultimately want, not figuring out what we 'should' be doing to keep up with the herd. They're only doing (travel) because their friends are saying, 'We need you to do it because you're the best player.' But really, they would rather just play rec in their town against other town teams and go to the beach. And that's the path that they want to take. And there's enough kids at this point to do both. You just have to make the travel less of the focus and the community more of the focus."
The value of youth sports is local: Understand what travel sports means
Late U.S. Senator and Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill famously said "all politics is local," suggesting politicians build their identities and strength within their communities before going national.
Soviero understands a strong sports background starts at the local level, too, and he believes it doesn't ever really have to leave home.
"I played travel because I was trying to get recruited, that makes sense. But your average kid that's gonna play club in college, should they play travel?" he says. "Maybe locally or regionally, but if you're not winning locally or regionally, if you're not the best in your area, why are you traveling outside of your area to find out how good you are? It doesn't really make sense."
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Signature's wants to build out from the community. At young ages, its goal is low cost ($100 or less), high-touch, high-rep opportunities.
Kids move to a rec level with no A and B teams but its full field (offering soccer, lacrosse and flag football right now). "Super rec" is with paid referees and A and B leagues within the age divisions.
"It's more competitive, then there's travel," Soviero says. "If you don't get through that progression, you shouldn't really be playing travel. And the issue is everybody's trying to push to travel. But it costs money to travel. And then these aren't great operators (who are) selling the pipe dream of my Kate's gonna play college, when they're really gonna pay for it."
Soviero points to how Signature acquiredCarolina Lacrosse Association, which he says is the oldest and largest multi-program lacrosse platform in the Carolinas. Signature came in at the rec league level and acquired the elite travel girls and boys programs — giving it the full vertical.
But, he says, for example, there's about 200 girls in the travel program.
"I think it's more focusing on how do you get more kids playing at the youth level by making more sports available in more fun formats they can access in their community," Soviero says. "That's how you're gonna actually get more kids playing. I don't think it's lowering the cost of travel. Travel should be free. Travel shouldn't cost money because there shouldn't be that many kids playing travel."
MORE COACH STEVE:The price of youth sports can be heavy. Should you pay it?
'Sportsmanship always starts at the top and trickles down'
According to2024 NCAA data, supplemented by data from the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS), less than 7% of high school athletes play collegiately (a lower percentage play Division 1).
And yet every parent seems to think their kid is different and they're going to defy the odds.
"That's the travel program's incentive," Soviero says. "Right now, the only way they make money is by having more kids think that that dream could come true. So the incentive structure's backwards if they're owned by and supporting the youth programs instead of really the youth program supporting them by developing kids and then monetizing them."
Think back to Norway. When kids are 13, the country begins to identify the most promising ones and invests in them. But, according to Carillo's report, children 12 and under are encouraged to try multiple sports, practicing as much or as little as they want without rankings, scores or clocks displaying time.
Kids meet at a local mountain or cross country skiing course to share cheer and breed a love of the outdoors, which the adults in their lives encourage.
"Sportsmanship really always starts at the top and it trickles down," Soviero says, "if you're really thoughtful on the car ride to the fields and the car ride from the fields and the walk to the fields and the walk back, and you really think about, 'My kid's going into their job; they're going into what they want to pour their work into themselves into, to create something great, and they want to get better at,' what kind of questions do you ask somebody?
"'Hey, how did it go? I saw you do this really well' and calling that thing out,' reinforcing that learning journey, and then not being afraid to have the conversation with the coach: 'This is what my son is saying he's working on. Is this the best thing for him to be focused on?' And actually evaluating the coaches, like, 'OK, this guy is a good guy. He's coaching, he's volunteering his time or he's a paid coach and he's not giving the service that I'm paying for.' There's a difference between the two.
"So, having realistic expectations, and if you think you can do better, volunteer."
Soviero says youth organizations are often stuck in paperwork, leading to burnout of program directors and a shortage of qualified coaches. His strategy uses a platform to handle administrative work: deliver uniforms, create budgets and find sponsorships and ways to certify coaches.
The program director or travel owner, who is on Signature's payroll and rolls over equity into the parent company, focuses on coaching coaches and getting more kids involved in youth sports.
"I think there's a lack of education and standards and values across youth sports," Sorviero says. "I think: why wouldn't we have 100% of kids playing sports?"
His goal is to get 10 million more kids playing by 2030.
MORE COACH STEVE:Tips for the ride home. (Hint: Don't be like Andre Agassi's dad.)
'The most important thing is actually losing'
Soviero says at his lowest point as a teenager, he put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off. He realized in that moment his life had a bigger purpose he needed to figure out.
His father helped him understand that sports surround and benefit us throughout our lives.
We watch our kids develop and mature through them.They shake the other side's hand when the game's over.
"The most important thing is actually losing," Soviero says. "When you lose, you learn, when you win, you celebrate.
"If a game is down to 5-5 (or) it's a one-goal game, you win or you lose, everybody loved it. Everybody had fun. That's how rec should be. And then travel, you should get your ass kicked. You should also kick somebody's ass. But you should end up playing teams that are gonna really challenge you, because that's really what's gonna make you better."
When pressed on whether it's realistic to think every kid should play sports – some might not want to – Soviero broadens his vision to theater, music, chess and other activities that take us off our devices and out into the world.
"I think as long as there's a vocation and a passion that kids are able to have for something, and they can develop hard work and fail and learn and grow," he says. "Those are the values that we need to be really reinforcing in a very thoughtful way, not just, 'Hey, we set up this nonprofit and roll balls out on the field and let's see what happens?'"
Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer with USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons' baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now sports parents for two high schoolers. His Coach Steve column is posted weekly.For his past columns, click here.
Got a question for Coach Steve you want answered in a column? Email him atsborelli@usatoday.com
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY:Dan Soviero of Signature Athletics shares ideas to fix youth sports
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